What Does 'Regulated' Actually Mean?

The other day, during a conversation about our daughter's regulation in the classroom, my husband responded with a question which stopped me in my tracks: "What does 'regulated' actually mean?" I guess until that moment, I had simply assumed that he understood everything the same way in which I had perceived, so I was at first really surprised to hear him ask me this...Which in itself makes me wonder in general, how much we really understand about all this information we are constantly being bombarded with when it comes to parenting a child with or without special needs, health, medicine, etc. There is a lot of noise, and sometimes we don't manage to filter it all...yes even us adults can miss information. What's even more interesting was my response to him...My explanation for my interpretation of what feeling regulated really means. Honestly, I don't think my answer was really effective at all. So, I decided to delve deeper into a comprehensive explanation of what has become a bit of a buzz word at the moment - Regulate: Regulate your nervous system, stay regulated, find regulation. But what does it really mean to be regulated? And more importantly, what does it feel like?

If you've ever wondered the same thing, you're not alone. Let me break it down.

Your Nervous System Has Two Modes

First of all, it's good to know that your nervous system has two main settings:

Sympathetic mode - This is your "go" mode. Fight, flight, or freeze. Your body is on high alert, ready to respond to threat or stress. Your heart races, your breath quickens, your muscles tense. This mode is useful when you actually need to act fast - but it's not sustainable long-term.

Parasympathetic mode - This is your "rest" mode. Digest, repair, connect. Your body feels safe enough to relax. Your heart rate slows, your breath deepens, your muscles soften. This is where healing happens, where you can think clearly, where you feel calm.

Being "regulated" means your nervous system can move fluidly between these two states as needed - and return to rest when the threat is gone.

Being "dysregulated" means you're stuck. Usually stuck in sympathetic mode, unable to return to rest even when you're safe.

How Your Brain Processes Information

Here's what's happening under the surface:

Every single moment, your brain is receiving sensory information through your five senses - what you see, hear, touch, taste, and smell. All of this input flows into your brain, where your frontal cortex is the first neuro gateway and it is responsible for interpreting and making sense of it all.

When the input is manageable, your brain processes it smoothly. You stay regulated.

But when there's too much input - too much noise, too much visual stimulation, too many uncomfortable sensations - your brain can become overwhelmed. In other words, the processing system can't keep up. That's when dysregulation happens.

Your body interprets the overload as threat, even when there's no actual danger.

The Tools We Use to Regulate

All this overload can make us feel hopeless, but the good news is, we're not helpless. There are so many techniques that help us return to regulation:

Breathwork - Like box breathing (inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4, hold for 4). Controlled breathing sends a direct signal to your nervous system that you're safe.

The 5-4-3-2-1 technique - Name 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, 1 thing you taste. This grounds you in the present moment and interrupts the stress response.

Meditation - Creating space to observe your thoughts and sensations without reacting to them.

Movement - Yoga, walking, dancing - physical activity helps process and release stored stress.

These are all powerful tools. I practice and teach many of them in my yoga classes, and I also find some great results with my daughter when we work through the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, and nasal inhalations rather than mouth...Honestly there is so much we can do to help ourselves and others...

But there's also one thing we almost never talk about when it comes to regulation.

The Missing Piece: What You're Wearing

We've focussed on what we can DO to regulate - the breathwork, the meditation, the mindfulness practices.

But we rarely consider what we can WEAR.

Did you know that your skin is your largest organ? It's in fact your gateway to the world - the boundary between you and everything else. One physical aspect is almost always interacting with our skin: Our clothing. In some way or another, some form of clothing is touching this gateway 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Every seam. Every texture. Every tag. Every waistband. Every bit of pressure or friction.

All of it is sensory input. All of it is being processed by your brain, constantly.

If you find discomfort from your clothing - even in small, seemingly insignificant ways - it's adding to your sensory load. It's one more thing your nervous system has to manage, filter, and process.

It's making regulation harder.

And here's what most people don't realize: your body doesn't differentiate between types of stress. A scratchy tag registers the same way as a stressful email. It all contributes to overwhelm. It all pushes you toward dysregulation.

So, while we're doing our breathwork and our meditation and our mindfulness practices, perhaps we should place more importance on how wearing clothing can work against us the entire time.

What Comes Next

So now you might be wondering how we can shift this. How do we start considering and using clothing as a tool to support regulation rather than hinder it?

That's exactly what we're going to be diving into next week.

Because if regulation is the goal - and I believe it should be - then it's a no brainer that we need to look at every part of our environment. Including what's touching our skin all day long.

Next week, I'll share practical ways to identify what's working and what's not when it comes to the clothing you and your family wear. Because once you understand the problem, the solutions become clear.

See you next week!

Francesca